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Meet The DeedlesStarring Paul Walker and Steve Van WormerScreenplay by Jim Herzfeld Directed by Steve Boyum Website: www.deedles.com |
IN SHORT: Let's not and say we did.
<g>
Well, someone's got to sit through these things, and I guess there are worse things than sitting in a sneak preview while a pair of ladies behind me are crow at the top of their lungs "Do you have any idea what is going on here?" Of course that pair of ladies was, I'm sorry to report, better suited to a pair of Depends Adult Diapers than pair of free tickets to Meet the Deedles, a fluffy little nothing of a flick about teenaged Hawaiian surfers exiled to the wilds of Wyoming.
Other than that, if your age begins with the letter "S" and you haven't hit college, you'll probably be better able to sit through this shoulda-gone-straight-to-video flick. That doesn't mean that Meet the Deedles is a lousy movie, indeed it isn't. With a couple of MacDonald's commercials strategically placed, Deedles would work fine on television. If the title isn't enough of a clue to any adult out there that this movie is probably not meant for adults, then one look at the commercial will have surely clued you in by now.
For ninety minutes you will be bombarded by surfer speak (you can download a thesaurus from the movie's website) which fills the film like air in a Cheetos. Meet the Deedles features two of the creatures, Stew (Steve Van Wormer) and Phil (Paul Walker) who are exiled by their richer-than-you-and-I-put-together corporate mogul daddy when they are expelled from a more-expensive-than- anyone-you-know-can-afford private school for surfing instead of studying.
Cranky went to public school. Cranky knows that he just foisted a major run-on sentence of your fair sensibilities. Cranky wants to get this over with as fast as possible, so he begs you to bear with him.
Bear. We're going to Yellowstone, where the bears are. It's a feeble pun. Onwards...
What's waiting for them, one private plane ride to Wyoming later, is Major Flower (M.C. Gainey) a burned out long haired friend of their dad who used to run some kind of boot camp for wayward rich kids and now exists solely to drive off any convenient local mountain a couple of times.
The first time flower flies off the mount, doing so makes a pair of nature loving females, Mo and Mel, tentless, and puts our heroes in their underwear and their roles, as Park Ranger trainees in Yellowstone. Our oldest national park is, apparently, under siege by armies of prairie dogs which threaten to ruin birthday celebrations in honor of Old faithful's billionth. It's all a nefarious conspiracy overseen by ex park ranger Frank Slater (Dennis Hopper) and ace lackies Crabbe (Richard Lineback) and Nemo (Robert Englund). The Deedles must save the park, bed the incredibly miscast love interest (A.J. Langer, who looks a decade older than kidlet Phil) yadda yadda yadda. There's enough of a story to keep your chin off your chest, but that's about it.
God, I'm bored just trying to write this sucker up. The dialog is unfathomable, the story is lame, the acting is sufficient and the only folks in the audience squealing with delight were the six year olds keeping their parents company. There's no point to Meet the Deedles other than a time killer for little kidlets.
On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price for Meet The Deedles, he would have paid . . .
$1.00
Short of one spectacular skateboarding sequence in the first third of the flick, there's nothing in Meet the Deedles to watch. Then again, the point of this flick is not to watch. It is to rent for the kidlets, and the smaller they are the more they'll like it.