Life and Death on Long Island

Starring John Hurt and Jason Priestly
Written and Directed by Richard Kwietniowski

IN SHORT: 3/4 of a very entertaining, small flick.

Now what the hell does cranky mean by 75% of a movie? He means that "Life and Death on Long Island" starts in high gear, the story of a lonely old Englishman and the unrequited love he finds with a movie star teen heart throb. The character, Giles De'Ath, (John Hurt, who has the face for this part and knows it), is a writer whose mindset is anchored firmly in the early part of the twentieth century. He's not old fashioned. He's just way out of touch with how the real world works.

Sitting in his office, working in a three piece tweed suit, the man has no concept of what a videotape player is or how it works (leading to one of the funniest gags in the flick) or of any modern conveniences like fax machines, answering machines, PC's. He doesn't watch television. He doesn't go to the movies. He doesn't drive a car. Were it not for his housekeeper, he'd probably starve to death on a diet of Tostitos.

Then one day, sort of at the urging of his agent (who wants his books adapted for the big screen) he goes to see an adaptation of a novel by another classicist author. But Giles buys the wrong ticket and winds up watching a Porky's genre flick called Hotpants College 2. Though bored out of his skull, Giles falls instantly, madly in love with the star of the film -- who would be Ronnie Bostock (Jason Priestly) American TV star turned bad (as in he's really not a great actor) movie star and avowed heterosexual who's shacked up with his girlfriend Audrey in a small town on Long Island.

The fun part is not in the unrequited love theme. The fun is in, what would be in any other hands, a "stalkers R us" situation. Giles, this 60ish old man, comes full blast into the 90s, learning to rent videos, cut pictures out of teen magazines, and hide his obsession from everyone. It's a truly adorable and entertaining bit of work by John Hurt.

But Giles' obsession manifests in ways that lead his agent to insist that he take vacation to clear his head of whatever is messing around up there. The vacation destination is the same town where Ronnie lives, and from there on in it's find the star, befriend the star, confess to the star.

Despite the gay themes, "Life and Death on Long Island" is not a political flick. It doesn't try to force home a PC equality statement. It is, if nothing else, a gentle flick which should leave you all feeling nothing but sadness for the lonely old man.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to "Life And Death on Long Island," he would have paid . . .

$5.00

"Life And Death on Long Island" is light and fun for most of it's run. But 90 minutes feels like 2 hours by the time all is done, as the movie seriously starts to lag when Hurt and Priestly go one on one.

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