Anybody else out there notice that the name of Harrison Ford's costar is not mentioned in any of the television advertising, but the director's name is?

If Harrison Ford's name were not above the title of Six Days Seven Nights, there wouldn't be a lot about this lightweight Romancing The Stone clone to recommend it. With Harrison Ford's name up top there's still little, but enough to be worth the cost of a medium popcorn. Six Days Seven Nights is an adequate popcorn movie, but there isn't a lot of sexual attraction between Ford and co-star Anne Heche (and no, I am not going to get into all that Ellen crap. It has no bearing on this pairing. There's just no chemistry. You can tell by the fake blue contacts Heche wears to make her eyes look all the more bright -- and therefore "interested" in Ford -- at the end of the flick).

The story of Robin Monroe (Heche) high powered New York Cosmo-type magazine editor and Quinn Harris (Ford), a laid back south seas charter pilot is a by the book piece of fluff -- man and woman don't like each other and are thrown together under harrowing circumstances fall, at minimum, in lust on a deserted island somewhere near Tahiti. The scenery is gorgeous. The danger, from sea pirates, is forced as is the relationship which makes more of the size of Heche's breasts than almost anything else. You can't miss it folks, her mammaries get more excited than the character.

The bright side comes from the supporting characters Angelica (Jacqueline Obradors) and Frank Martin (David Schwimmer), the respective loves left behind. Frank is just a little less whiny than Schwimmer's television character (on Friends). Obradors, endowed with what God didn't give Heche, looks like a young Maria Conchita Alonzo, and plays the naive Latin girl to the hilt. It is actually more fun watching these two commiserate, and get steadily more drunk, than the headliners. The dialog is more clever and decidedly more funny in the tourist paradise they're stuck in than in the uncharted wilds of the island the stars are stranded on. For the Ford-Heche set up the words and situations push too hard for conflict, and the eventual nice nice (and it's not what you think) leads to a series of partings culminating in a forced happy ending. It's a "the movie that won't end scenario" and Cranky got real restless waiting for the end credit roll.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Six Days Seven Nights, he would have paid . . .

$4.00