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all's faire in love
Click for full sized poster

All's Faire in Love

Starring Christina Ricci, Owen Benjamin and Ann-Margret
Matthew Lillard, Bill Engvall and Cedric the Entertainer
Screenplay by R.A. White and Scott Marshall & Jeffrey Ray Wine
Directed by Scott Marshall

IN SHORT: Worst of the Year. [Rated PG-13. minutes]

For those that want a description, we managed this much before we just rolled over and wished for death. That's how bad this film is.

We begin with a quarterback -- not sure if it's high school or collegiate -- named Will (Owen Benjamin), who hasn't bothered to attend his classes during his last semester of school. All of his teachers/profs have signed a paper giving him a free pass to graduate (and accept what he expects will be a big offer from the NFL). All but Professor Shockworthy (Cedric the Entertainer), who essentially blackmails Will into working three weeks at a Renaissance Faire run by his friend Mrs. Banks (Ann-Margret).

In the world of the Faire, Mrs. Banks is the Queen of all she surveys. All of the hired performers are divided into "royalty" and [dirt]. Royals like Sir Rank (Chris Wylde) are jerks - we're being kind - who lord it over the common rabble and do their best to get into the pants of fine young girls like Kate (Christina Ricci). Kate is an actress who fled from her big money job in something financial. She had to wear a business suit and that just didn't suit her. This particular world is no different from any other; make nice with Sir jerk [nudge nudge] and you, too, can be raised to royal status.

And somewhere in there, by the time it's done, is supposed to be a love story.

We suspect that an extraordinary amount of marijuana would have made this thing funny. Then again, if the film is as truly awful as we say, an extraordinary amount of marijuana would have made the pain so much worse . . .

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to All's Faire in Love, he would have paid . . .

less than $0

For all who think that reviewing movies is easy, we suggest you sit through this monstrosity a dozen or so times in a row, in one sitting. Then you'll know what most of our year is like.

amazon com link Click to buy films by Scott Marshall
Click to buy films starring Christina Ricci
Click to buy films starring Owen Benjamin
Click to buy films starring Ann-Margret

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