Burlesque

Burlesque stars Christina Aguilera and Cher with Stanley Tucci and Kristen Bell is absolutely, positively not the worst of the year -- that gem came and went in a week and didn't have any stars in it. But if you want big stars in a flop the size of Showgirls, here you go !

We have 15 films to see this week, pre-Turkey and just don't have time to devote to savaging cinema turkeys like this one. Seriously. It's awful. If you're a fan of the stars, buy the sound track.

harry potter

The rule of this site is that you shouldn't have to read the book to "get" the movie. That being said . . . If you didn't read the book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 1 is an utter and complete waste of your time. It is ponderous and downright boring.

Those in our audience who had read the book liked it just fine. We don't write for them. Those who didn't (we guess) yelled obscenities at the screen as the credits rolled. Not that any of the above actually matters . . .

Everybody feel free to help yourself to Harry Potter wallpapers. Lots of new stuff. All available only for a limited time.

Jolene

Jolene stars Jessica Chastain as an abandoned 15 year old girl who spends the next ten years of her life, well, surviving. With it we begin the season of "incredibly difficult movies to watch, all having some kind of thing that Academy voters may want to remember you-know-when." Which is exactly what Jolene is. Cranky's movie review

barney's version

Either you will detest Barney's Version as an emotionally manipulative male equivalent of a chick flick or you'll find yourself like Cranky who, for the first time in fifteen years of reviewing, found himself literally sobbing throughout the back  half of this film. Paul Giamatti stars as a television writer/producer (lousy to the former but terrifically successful as the latter) whose three marriages implode for different reasons. The film covers his adult life, including the mysterious disappearance of his best friend (Scott Speedman) and Barney's detective father (Dustin Hoffman) defending his son against accusations of murder. We're not giving anything away. There's a lot more to this film than that. Cranky's movie review

rare exports

Rare Exports is the quirkiest "Christmas-time" film we've ever had the pleasure of seeing. Way up north in Finland, Santa Claus is captured in a reindeer net and, when freed, takes revenge by kidnapping the local children. Even his elves -- all Santa look alike's -- get in on the act.Can the hunter and his son, who got this mess rolling in the first place, set all right and save Christmas? Or have the good folk of Finland been wrong about Christmas all along?

Mao's Last Dancer

Mao's Last Dancer is a story whose title tells the whole tale -- meaning it is up to the acting talent and director to bring the story home. Half-subtitled, half  English has everything that you readers tell us you're not interested in.Well, if you are an adult with an open mind, find this outstanding film. Capital "O" Cranky's move review

tiny furniture

For those just out of school and dealing with the new pressures of job, work, love, roommates and other adult stuff the indie Tiny Furniture is something to check out. We remember those days with little fondness but we come from a different generation.

Cherry

Cherry stars Kyle Gallner as a college freshman who can't take his eyes off a fellow student ... hot single mom Linda (Laura Allen) whose 14 years old daughter (Britt Robertson) gets in the middle in a very interesting way. The story has some nice twists to it but you'll never see it in a theater ... wait and rent

 
     
Jolene

Wild Target stars the debonair Bill Nighy as a professional hit man whose mother is pressing him to marry (and produce an heir to eventually run the "family business"). His only problem is that the only available girl in his universe happens to be his next target. It's a comedy for us grown-ups. A very enjoyable and accessible one. Cranky's movie review

The Town

The Town starring and directed by Ben Affleck is a terrific sit. Bank robbers in Boston; the women that love 'em (Rebecca Hall) and the FBI agent (Jon Hamm) that hunts 'em down.. Spend your money here. Cranky's movie review

Hereafter

Hereafter stars Matt Damon in a Clint Eastwood film that is so incredibly awful that members of our audience walked out in the middle of our screening. Three different stories examine Death. and a third of the film is subtitled. Yeah... right. Cranky's movie review

red

Red stars Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren. In which young CIA killers try to snuff old CIA killers. Dumb young 'uns. Terrifically funny and a great sit, Red is more fun than anything else we've seen this week (except maybe the film to the right. It's certainly smarter than said film.). Cranky's movie review

Punching the Clown

Sarah Silverman really likes Punching the Clown about a folk singer of songs that are off-kilter in the Sarah Silverman vein. Cranky likes it , too. Said singer goes to LA to find fame, fortune and everything that goes with it . . . and that last bit isn't what he expected at all. The film is funny if you're sober (so rent, eventually) and will probably be a blast if you're blasted. Not that you should ... but you stoners know who you are <g>

Due Date

Due Date stars Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. The former is on a no-fly list and has to get home to his pregnant wife. The latter is his ride. Hilarity ensues. Our review thanks to the help of nationally syndicated columnist Susan Granger (props ahoy!). So on to Susan's Due Date review

tourist

Screened so close to opening that we feared the worst, and riding a very fine line between ridiculously good and bad is an engaging thriller called The Tourist starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. A beautiful British woman picks up a American shlub on a train and, while Russian gangsters chase the pair through the canals of Venice, all followed closely by Interpol and British police, love develops. Nah (maybe) ... but 'nuff said. The Tourist is a ridiculously fun sit. Take a date. ($6.50/10)

tempest

The Tempest stars Helen Mirren in Shakespeare's drama of an exiled royal family, a magical storm, and political machinations that make everything better. Twisted to have a female royal pulling the strings may make traditionalists cringe; concentrate on the centuries out of date English and take the ride (better yet, wait to rent so you can go back and forth).

garden of eden

Hemingway's The Garden of Eden is based on an unpublished novel  by the legendary writer, discovered  after his death. It details the extended honeymoon of writer David Bourne (Jack Huston) and his beautiful wife, Catherine (Mena Suvari) Wife's gift to her husband is the beauteous Marita (Caterina Murino). Yeah, like that ... until it isn't.

barney's version

Apparently either you will detest Barney's Version (NY) as an emotionally manipulative male equivalent of a chick flick or you'll find yourself like Cranky who, for the first time in fifteen years of reviewing, found himself literally sobbing throughout the back  half of this film. Paul Giamatti stars as a television writer/producer (lousy to the former but terrifically successful as the latter) whose three marriages implode for different reasons. The film covers his adult life, including the mysterious disappearance of his best friend (Scott Speedman) and Barney's detective father (Dustin Hoffman) defending his son against accusations of murder. We're not giving anything away. There's a lot more to this film than that. Cranky's movie review

rare exports

Rare Exports is the quirkiest "Christmas-time" film we've ever had the pleasure of seeing. Way up north in Finland, Santa Claus is captured in a reindeer net and, when freed, takes revenge by kidnapping the local children. Even his elves -- all Santa look alike's -- get in on the act.Can the hunter and his son, who got this mess rolling in the first place, set all right and save Christmas? Or have the good folk of Finland been wrong about Christmas all along?

narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is the third in the franchise by on kiddie novels by CS Lewis. Do not start with this one if you haven't read the books or seen the earlier films (which probably means you don't have kids).

King's Speech

The King's Speech stars Colin Firth as a badly stuttering Englishman whose wife (Helena Bonham Carter) lets her fingers do the walking to find help -- a "speech therapist" (though in the 1920s said category did not exist) played by Geoffrey Rush. Substitute "soon to be King of England" for the common man and you have another recreation of a true story which in this case will receive Oscar nominations all across the board. Of course, it is about a topic so specifically English that this American just didn't care. Just like a lot of classic Best Picture nominees. Cranky's movie review

all good things

All Good Things with stars Ryan Gosling, Kirsten Dunst and Frank Langella recreates, and adds its own solution to, one of the greatest unsolved murders in recent New York City history. Cranky's movie review

all good things

Black Swan is the first of the hard core Oscar(tm) wannabees. Starring Natalie Portman in a story of vicious competition for the lead spot in a NYC production of Swan Lake it is as much an exercise by director Darren Aronofsky to mess with your mind as it is anything else. Cranky's movie review

i love you philip morris

I Love You Philip Morris may be the least difficult of the three major film releases of the week to sit through, although those expecting a Jim Carrey comedy will be shocked to find the star helming a deeply romantic homosexual relationship. No surprise, it is quite  a good sit and could get Carrey is nomination

The Nutcracker in 3D

The Nutcracker in 3D stars Nathan Lane as Albert Einstein and Elle Fanning as his "niece" Mary, who must save brother Max from the evil clutches of the Rat King ... Yes, this is Tchaikovsky's music and a lot of his story. Terry Gilliam had nothing to do with this film but his influence on the next generation of filmmakers is all over it. Kidlets at our screening walked out beaming and declaring the film to be AWESOME! Cranky's movie review and Wallpapers here

4 Lions

Four Lions, from Britain, manages to make terrorism funny. It helps that the five wannabees in this comedy are totally inept - and I'm not sure if thinking about killers as inept is a good thing - but the film was a good sit. Cranky's movie review

Burlesque

Burlesque stars Christina Aguilera and Cher with Stanley Tucci and Kristen Bell is absolutely, positively not the worst of the year -- that gem came and went in a week and didn't have any stars in it. But if you want big stars in a flop the size of Showgirls, here you go !

We have 15 films to see this week, pre-Turkey and just don't have time to devote to savaging cinema turkeys like this one. Seriously. It's awful. If you're a fan of the stars, buy the sound track.

Unstoppable

Unstoppable stars Denzel Washington and Chris Pines as train dudes who take down a runaway loaded with hazardous materials. Rosaria Dawson is the dispatcher trying to avert disaster. Not that disasters don't happen -- this is a Tony Scott movie -- and explosions and train wrecks supply more than enough fun. As awful as the script is, the film is a terrific sit. It is great fun and there was applause as credits rolled.

It's a movie. Capital "M". Go. Have Fun.

Morning Glory

A dateflick for us grown ups, Morning Glory stars Harrison Ford as a network evening news anchor demoted to "Daybreak," a morning show that looks a lot like a second rate Today Show. Rachel McAdams is the new exec. producer and views this as her big shot. The hassle of trying to get Ford to go his job provides most of the comic oomph (as does Diane Keaton as the co-anchor. The film is as fun as it is uneven. It'll be a better rental but, as the way-too-serious and somewhat awards-worthy films roll out in the just started Oscar wannabe season, if you're looking for something fluffy and disposable for an evening, this is it.

Tangled

Tangled from Disney is available in both 2D and 3D and, whichever you choose, this remake of the old Rapunzel tale is well worth the time and money. Truth: In it, cat-burglar type bandit Flynn Rider (Zachary Levy) climbs and breaks into the tower occupied by the captive Rapunzel (Mandy Moore), who promptly takes him hostage. In return for freeing her from captivity, the pair embark on a whole messa exciting adventures! Add a pair of anthro-pomorphic animals for that patent-pending Disney  touch and you'll have one darn good time in the theater. Take the l'il ones. Then Download Wallpapers here

harry potter

The rule of this site is that you shouldn't have to read the book to "get" the movie. That being said . . . If you didn't read the book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 1 is an utter and complete waste of your time. It is ponderous and downright boring.

Those in our audience who had read the book liked it just fine. We don't write for them. Those who didn't (we guess) yelled obscenities at the screen as the credits rolled. Not that any of the above actually matters . . .

Everybody feel free to help yourself to Harry Potter wallpapers. Lots of new stuff. All available only for a limited time.

Jolene

Jolene stars Jessica Chastain as an abandoned 15 year old girl who spends the next ten years of her life, well, surviving. With it we begin the season of "incredibly difficult movies to watch, all having some kind of thing that Academy voters may want to remember you-know-when." Which is exactly what Jolene is. Cranky's movie review

Love and Other Drugs

Love and Other Drugs stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a (legal) drug peddler and Anne Hathaway as the very 20-something PYT with Parkinson's disease. Extraordinary love ensues and while it has its moments, the film is pretty much a disposable dateflick. With Oliver Platt. Cranky's movie review

127 Hours

127 Hours stars James Franco, recreating the last hours of the right hand of a rock climber who goes out spelunking without telling anyone where he's going. The story was big news a while back. The film is just OK (Cranky's movie review). The bigger surprise is to the immediate right of this blip . . .

Hereafter

Hereafter stars Matt Damon in a Clint Eastwood film that is so incredibly awful that members of our audience walked out in the middle of our screening. Three different stories examine Death. and a third of the film is subtitled. Yeah... right. Cranky's movie review

Jolene

Wild Target stars the debonair Bill Nighy as a professional hit man whose mother is pressing him to marry (and produce an heir to eventually run the "family business"). His only problem is that the only available girl in his universe happens to be his next target. It's a comedy for us grown-ups. A very enjoyable and accessible one. Cranky's movie review

The Town

The Town starring and directed by Ben Affleck is a terrific sit. Bank robbers in Boston; the women that love 'em (Rebecca Hall) and the FBI agent (Jon Hamm) that hunts 'em down.. Spend your money here. Cranky's movie review

red

Red stars Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren. In which young CIA killers try to snuff old CIA killers. Dumb young 'uns. Terrifically funny and a great sit, Red is more fun than anything else we've seen this week (except maybe the film to the right. It's certainly smarter than said film.). Cranky's movie review

tiny furniture

For those just out of school and dealing with the new pressures of job, work, love, roommates and other adult stuff the indie Tiny Furniture is something to check out. We remember those days with little fondness but we come from a different generation.

Due Date

Due Date stars Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. The former is on a no-fly list and has to get home to his pregnant wife. The latter is his ride. Hilarity ensues. Our review thanks to the help of nationally syndicated columnist Susan Granger (props ahoy!). So on to Susan's Due Date review

Punching the Clown

Sarah Silverman really likes Punching the Clown about a folk singer of songs that are off-kilter in the Sarah Silverman vein. Cranky likes it , too. Said singer goes to LA to find fame, fortune and everything that goes with it . . . and that last bit isn't what he expected at all. The film is funny if you're sober (so rent, eventually) and will probably be a blast if you're blasted. Not that you should ... but you stoners know who you are <g>

Cherry

Cherry stars Kyle Gallner as a college freshman who can't take his eyes off a fellow student ... hot single mom Linda (Laura Allen) whose 14 years old daughter (Britt Robertson) gets in the middle in a very interesting way. The story has some nice twists to it but you'll never see it in a theater ... wait and rent