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The Romantics

Starring Katie Holmes, Josh Duhamel, Adam Brody, Malin Akerman, Elijah Wood, Jeremy Strong, Rebecca Lawrence
Written and Directed by Galt Niederhoffer.

IN SHORT: nnn. [Rated . minutes]

I knew I was in trouble when the production notes used the word Zeitgeist and I couldn't remember what the word meant, even from context. It's been a long time since the SAT's folks. I do know words like verbs and boring and numbing and adverbs like beyond and I found myself wishing desperately for one more scene with actress Malin Ackerman in something tight fitting. But no, wedding gear isn't built for that. Nor is this story built for anyone but the female side of the ticket holding audience. Gentlemen, suck it up if you have to. I pray you don't have to but I suspect that the original story was passed around from femme hand to femme hand, again and again.

Gentlemen will pray for the end credits faster and more fervently than at any so-called chick flick of the last decade.

Over the course of one raucous night at a seaside wedding seven close friends, all members of a tight, eclectic college clique, reconvene to watch two of their own tie the knot. Laura (Katie Holmes) is maid of honor to Lila (Anna Paquin), her golden girl best friend. The two have long rivaled over the groom, Tom (Josh Duhamel). Friendships and alliances are tested and the love triangle comes to a head the night before the wedding, when the drunken friends frolic in the nearby surf and return to shore... without the groom. Based on the heralded novel by producer, novelist, director Galt Niederhoffer, The Romantics is a Zeitgeist love story and generational comedy that breathes new life into the genre and recaptures the camaraderie of youth.

]AP never mentions it; never suspects anything related to it; never asks about it; seems blissfully unaware that said relationship ever existed in any form in any way in any place related to her friends and any place they may have been doing anything they may have been doing in said place. In short, AP is a total anc completefully, blissfully unawares idiot. Every other member of the wedding party is aware of the former affair. Most of the wedding party knows about the last minute slip up -- the women decide to spill the beans in the ayem hors immediately before the scheduled wedding . . . 'cuz that's what friends do, I guess.

Any male member of the wedding party would have said "Leave it be. It's the final romp for 'em both" . . . said males would be thinking of their mate "what an idiot" but there is this nonsensical ritual of "last romp: (we're cleaning up the language, which otherwise would have begun with "final and continued with another f-word" as that's exactly what it is. It's a guy thing. We all talk about it. I've never had a friend ever do it. That's how you know the marriage is good.



On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to The Romantics, he would have paid . . .



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