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IN SHORT: The end of the world, and the kitchen sink. [Rated PG-13 for Intense Disaster Sequences and Some Language. 158 minutes]

As in director Roland Emmerich, with writer Harald Kloser, throw so much disaster up on the big screen it's everything but (or "and" depending on how you know the phrase). That being said we're going to be kind to 2012 since, because of outstanding medical junk from an old accident, we had to duck out for ten minutes right in the middle of our screening. If there was vital, meaningful story stuck in the middle of the destruction of Las Vegas -- the sound in this film is terrific, btw -- we missed it. For those paying the big bucks and expecting even bigger special effects, they're there. As for those  who enhance their viewing experience, and you know who you are, you'll find yourself laughing at a whole bunch of what we consider inappropriate moments. We know the stoners in our crowd were letting loose enough that it became annoying (and it isn't as if we wouldn't know what would have been the appropriate moments <g>).

So, where do we start. We'll start with cable TV's The History Channel, which has been running end of the world documentaries based upon predictions made by the long extinct Mayan civilization. For those who don't watch, the Mayan calendar ends abruptly on December 21, 2012 and, as obsessed as christian based culture is with the end of the world, dontcha think that if the Mayans were that good with their predictions, they would have gotten out of the way when the Spanish Conquistadores came a' calling? Add to that the film's SF gobbledygook about a once in 640-millions of years cosmic alignment and you've got enough to build a story on.

Said story begins with the earth's core burning up an Indian copper mine. A scientist in that locale, Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), essentially, figures out the core is about to melt down and goes running to our president's chief scientist advisor president's Chief of Staff Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt). Said scientist, for reasons clear enough in the film, is laughed out of a borrowed tux. Luckily, he has come with charts and graphs and that's good enough to catch Anheuser's eye.

In the meantime there's a would be SF writer, and real time limosine driver, Writer Jackson Curtis (John Cusack) who is using his visitation rights with kidlets Noah (Liam James) Lilly (Morgan Lily) for a visit to Yellowtone national park. Curtis' only published work was a novel about the destruction of Atlantis which  sold a whopping 422 copies. Yet, somewhere in his background research to come up with an explanation for the sinking of that continent, Curtis has learned enough about geology to recognize something bubbling in Yellowstone as indicative of problems at the earth's core. That, and the presence of the US Army to shoo him and the kiddies out of an area they're not supposed to be in.

Curtis' kids are young enough that there seem to be the beginnings of heated discussion with ex-wife Kate (Amanda Peet) and her new hubbie Gordon Silberman (Tom McCarthy) about who Noah is calling "daddy." And speaking of daddies, president Thomas Wilson (Danny Glover) is one as well. His daughter Laura Wilson (Thandie Newton) has been involved in some sort of hush hush hiding of all the world's great artworks at the behest of  her dad. She's told it has something to do with terrorism (what doesn't) but the reality is more akin to saving the world's culture from the imminent end of the world yadda yadda also spouted by  talkradio nutcase Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson), who coincidentally broadcasts his prophecies from the back of  an RV in Yellowstone, where he meets Curtis.

Let's see, what have we forgotten besides that the rest of the Curtis family thinks Jackson is losing his mind? Oh, yeah, California falls into the Pacific Ocean. Vegas bites the dust as does Paris and Washington DC, and other world cities as the earth's tectonic plates shake rattle and roll the planet to pieces. And all of the aforementioned characters astoundingly come together to save the world.

And that's all you really care about, right?

We'd normally agree but even the stoners were quiet by the time we passed the two hour mark. We expect that Roland Emmerich will let the effects overwhelm the story, and there is always a story, but for once there is just too much for us

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to 2012, he would have paid . . .

$5.00

Don't worry so much about the end of the world. Emmerich is already working on a TV series, set in 2013, that covers what comes next.

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