Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon The Movie Film (ltd) expands the Comedy Central [adultswim] series into an 87 minute swath of foul language, lousy animation and an impossible to follow story fit only for those who are stoned out of their minds. Yet another piece of junk fit for a grindhouse.

Are We Done Yet?, the sequel to the very successful Are We There Yet? screened at the same time as Grindhouse, forcing us to opt for the adult fare. If you loved the first film in this sequence, you probably have the kidlets banging on your legs to take 'em to this sequel, which looks remarkably like a Tom Hanks bomb (a remake of a Cary Grant 50s hit) of a lot of years back. But that's just us.

Away From Her offers a knock-out performance from the (now) rarely seen Julie Christie whose character, after 40+ happily married years to a university professor (Gordon Pinset), loses her mind to Alzheimer's disease. If you've experienced the loss of a loved one to the disease you really don't need to get your emotional guts ripped out all over again.

Beyond the Gates is the third depiction of Rwandan genocide we've seen in the past year or two. This film has the strongest dramatic story, involving a teacher (Hugh Dancy) and a Catholic priest (John Hurt) who have to decide to flee when the UN says so or stay behind. Honestly? Had we not been through genocidal depiction twice we'd give a strong recommendation -- if you've got a strong stomach. Of the three, this is the best written, clearest explanation of why the slaughter happened,up against a dramatized story.

Black Sheep stars a herd of very hungry people eating sheep. You'll never think of ordering lamb chops again BUT comedy wise it's a pretty funny flick. Find it. See it.

The Condemned stars WWE wrestler "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as one of ten hard core killers (except for the one that isn't) kidnapped and dropped on a Pacific island. One will get off the island with a commutation of sentence. Everyone else will be dead ... and the world gets to watch on a pay per view Internet broadcast! Yep, it's The Running Man for a new decade [those older than us can input the name of the their generation's film here] but not nearly as interesting

Day Watch is a beautiful to look at Russian language sequel to something called Night Watch. Having something to do with Lords of Good and Evil and who runs the day and night and who sucks blood or whatever, the film fairly begs for dubbing (instead of subtitles). Between the pix and the titles, Cranky had no idea what the heck was going on! If you loved Night Watch you know if you want to see this one.

Descent stars Rosario Dawson in what is perhaps the most unpleasant sit of the year. In it, the star plays a college student whose life goes to hell when screaming "ENOUGH!" isn't enough to stop what becomes date rape. Rape is flat out wrong, folks. Don't get confused about that. What comes next, when her character gets the chance to take revenge? Even hard core film student geeks will turn away. You are warned.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is based on the true story of a stroke victim who dictated a best selling novel by blinking his eyelids to spell out the words for his opus. Considering that we lived something similar (broken neck and paralysis, three times) we should  have been greatly sympathetic and interested, but we weren't.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, considering how we hated FF movie #1, this is a rare treat: a sequel that is better than the original. Not our quote, though we agree, with a fellow critic who liked the first one! Not screened until the night before release but then, it didn't have to. Laurence Fishburne stars as the voice of the Surfer.

Firehouse Dog may run a wee bit long (111 minutes) for single digit kidlets but this family film, about the (literal) fall of a toupee wearing, A-list movie star mutt into service at a firehouse was a pretty good sit. Kids'll love the dog. Grownups will find several tongue in cheek gags for (us).

Illegal Tender is a tolerable but just OK flick about gangsters gunning for a mother and son (Wanda De Jesus and Rick Gonzalez); the former looking to finish previously unfinished business and getting a nasty surprise when the latter fight back.

I'm Not There stars Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale all as one incarnation or another of musician Bob Dylan, based on the images he portrayed in his songs. This film as a whole may have been ear candy; a phenomenal concept when it was pitched but, in execution, it truly is a stinker. The Dylan-ish character is called "Jack Rollins" (in reality, Rollins is/was a major entertainment biz agent) and Cate Blanchett's oversized portion -- the post electric 60's Bob -- should get a nomination, or Clapton ain't god <g>

In the Shadow of the Moon was seen because of our love of the Gemini and Apollo programs. What we got here is a tired doc with end roll space footage. A real disappointment (but we lived through it with an uncle in the program, so maybe we're just spoiled...)

Introducing the Dwights is a great showpiece for actress Brenda Blethyn, as a cafeteria worker who dreams of a career as a stand up comedian. It is a good pick if you prefer the arthouse, and can battle through the competing British and Australian accents.

The Jane Austen Book Club features five ladies and a gent discussing Austen's six novels, once a month (screen time), and finding new meanings in their lives and relationships with each other. In other words, if you don't know the books (or haven't memorized the movie adaptations over the last decade, this is a very average arthouse film.

For the elite, you are welcome to the 2007 version of William Shakespeare's Macbeth, set in modern Melbourne, Australia. Would that the dialog was cleaned up (just a little) so that those of us who only know the key quotes can figure out the story, despite the thick Australian accents. For your consideration. We say pass.

Meet the Robinsons was seen and not reviewed by us because of medical junk you don't really want to know more about. If you have kids, take 'em. If you have seen everything else you want to see and don't mind 3-D glasses and want a very pleasant surprise, hie thee to a theater.

That means it's funny and enjoyable and worth the hassle of the 3-D glasses.

Nancy Drew whose books were, to girls of our generation was the equivalent of the Hardy Boys, comes to the big screen but put us to sleep. Either it's because we're male or because of an early Saturday morning screening time - never a problem in the past - but this just didn't work for us.

The very lovely Keri Russell steals Waitress by, honestly, being way too pretty for the title role. Said waitress, finds love while locked in a loveless marriage. For those who prefer the arthouse, the film did gangbusters at the Sundance festival. For everyone else, it's an OK rental.

The Bank Job stars Jason Stathan. The title tells you just about all you need to know, though there's so much more to the rhyme and reason of why this true Brit bank heist came into being that, once you work through the thick as a brick Brit accents, you should greatly enjoy your  romp through the criminal underpinnings of last century London. Seriously, the film is a tremendous bit of fun and greatly recommended.

Be Kind Rewind is this season's Jack Black comedy, co-starring the eminent Daniel Glover as the owner of a vid store doomed to destruction by the forces of urbanization in Passaic, NJ. Said site was birthplace to jazz great Fats Waller and JB leads the fight for historic preservation. It's only an average comedy and you'll forget all about it in 24 hours. That makes it a fair dateflick. So, take one. ($3/10)

Boy A stars Andrew Garfield as a child murderer who, having served his time, is released back into a community that doesn't want him. The film is so incredibly bleak that we couldn't face the blank screen to write it up. Even the arthouse aficionados will walk out numb.

Cloverfield, whose studio banned online critics from advanced screenings to "keep the secrets off the Web." Yeah, right. You know what that means...

We haven't seen such a commercially successful, over hyped waste of time in the dark since The Blair Witch Project. There's nothing more to this "monster the size of a skyscraper goes stomping on Manhattan" movie than special effects. The story is so lacking it makes the rehash of the rehash of Godzilla look like Gone With The Wind . . . what a bloody waste of time.

Then again, our niece (age 17) and her friends looooved it. We still love her <g>.

Day Zero is a poorly written story about the reinstatement of the military draft to build forces for another (or maybe the continuing) war in Iraq after an under described attack on LA kills 1100 civilians. 3 friends (Chris Klein, Jon Bernthal, Elijah Wood) get the call up. Each deals, or doesn't, in different ways. One uses family connections to a Senator to avoid service. One is gung ho. One makes a list of ten things to get done before he is potentially killed... and makes a mess of most of the things on the list (that's the attempt at comic relief).

Flawless stars Michael Caine and Demi Moore in what would have been a great (men) against the system diamond heist except that the film fails to build any suspense as the payoff approaches. zzzz

The Foot Fist Way is not an American chop sockey as it may appear from the title and poster. It is, frankly, a complete waste of your time. This unfunny comedy was created by students in North Carolina, and Will Ferrell found their work to be funny. And so it hit your local theater with misleading advertising. Simply:  Will Ferrell is not in this film.

Forbidden Kingdom teams Jet Li and Jackie Chan - like a Marvel comic they meet, fight and bond - in a terribly scripted, incomprehensible movie that will make every 15 year old boy happy as whatever. If you're 15 or so, don't write to tell us we're wrong. We're just old.

What passes for current romantic comedy is on full display in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. That means what isn't funny is otherwise stuffed with four letter words that get tiresome after a while.

Sex and Death 101 stars Winona Ryder. Take one 20 something who gets an email list of every woman  he's  ever slept with or is ever going to sleep with and end it with the name of a sociopath killer and  you get this year's all-new all-different sex comedy. A twist at the end isn't enough to salvage this viewing experience. Rent as cheaply as possible.

Shine a Light offers close to two hours of The Rolling Stones live in concert at New York's Beacon Theater, whose 2800 seats are barely older than the Glimmer Twins and Co. combined. Martin Scorsese directs both regular and IMAX versions of the concert (opt for the  latter) and makes you feel like you're in the front row. Close to two hours of hits with exceptional surround sound worked so well that when Jagger (went) into his usual call and response routines, our audience let loose.

Sleepwalking was produced by Charlize Theron, who has a small part in an otherwise unfocussed film; just the first of a one two punch that sent yours Cranky down for the count. Strictly arthouse in a miniscule release. That should tell you all you really need to know.

Snow Angels is a confusing tale of kid life which becomes a lost kid mystery and then maybe a murder mystery and then again maybe a serial murder mystery lost kid whole mess a movie ideas crammed into one mess of a film. Ultimately, it's one of those films you wish you'd never paid to see in the first place. Film student geeks will rejoice! but just about everyone else (meaning: us "normal" folks) should stay away.

Stop Loss is a story which, depending on your side-of-the-aisle, will either infuriate you or make you pound your fist in anger. The story? It seems the Army has fine print in its volunteer contract that, essentially, won't let "volunteers" go at the end of their agreed upon term. It used to be called conscription but that's so last century.

Street Kings stars Keanu Reeves and Laurence Fishburne, the former as an undercover detective tempted to fall to the dark side of corruption and the latter as his commanding officer and mentor. Add Hugh Laurie as an Internal Affairs investigator who, of course, is an enemy to all cops on the force, good and bad, and you're set up for more plot twists than you'd expect. Of course, none of the characters is as they appear and none will make you care enough about their character arcs to really give a hoot about the overall movie. Dare we say it? More arthouse than popcorn flick but still, it fits snugly in our usual "dateflick" category ($5/$10).... not that the femme side of that equation can sit through it; it's tough enough for us guys.

There Will Be Blood won star Daniel Day Lewis the Oscar. For the few that haven't seen it, his character seeks out black gold (oil) and isn't too careful whose feet he tromps on, or whose blood he spills, to find that black gold and reap his fortune. Three hours feels like two -- a good thing. While other  critics we know feel this is a successor to Citizen Kane, we feel you should just sit and enjoy.

27 Dresses is the femme skewing dateflick of the week. Katherine Heigle stars as an eternal bridesmaid (27 times, thus the title) always looking for love. Though the film gets off to a rocky start, it quickly settles down  while a fairly predictable yet nonetheless popcorn sharing worthy rom-com (X-Man James Marsden co-stars as the catch). There's at least one twist ending to keep everything fun and interesting. Thus we recommend it for daters.

What Happens in Vegas is, as Ashton Kutcher put it in his teevee interviews: Two strangers in Vegas get drunk, get married and then hit a slot machine jackpot. Only after the fact do they realize that they're both greedy sots who don't particularly like each other, so they sue for the cash. A wise judge sentences the pair to live as husband and wife for six months -- it's the kind of story pitch you'd only hear in a screen writing class -- and then we're off to the races.

Well, you know what happens when you hit the jackpot in Vegas -- the wife (Cameron Diaz) wants her share of the loot. Which, if you've only been married for seventeen minutes and you're not even hung over yet -- has all the makings of a fine comedy and/or murder non-mystery <g> The script isn't all that well written but the overall flow works and the whole piece is light, fluffy, funny and quite enjoyable -- the comedy outweighs the romantic aspects and there is enough of that to make the ladies in our audience do that little clap hands and bounce in the seat thing that girls seem to do when they're really happy at a happy ending.

Oh, like you didn't know there'd be a happy ending. <g>

The Great Debaters starring director Denzel Washington tries so hard not to emphasize its black vs white subtext that it's story, about an extra-ordinary debate team from a segregated college that rises to debate the great Crimson tongues of  Harvard, didn't ignite for us. Black audiences will find much to cheer about. ($6.50)

In Bruges stars Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson as two hit men sent to Belgium after one screws up an assignment. Gleeson is dead on perfect. Farrell over acts and the four letter words almost get in the way of caring about what happens as the surprises unspool at the end of the film, thanks to the decisions of boss man Ralph Fiennes ($5.50/10)

Harrison Ford returns in the title role of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, as does Karen Allen as one-time flame Marion Ravenwood. Set in 1957, Commies have replaced Nazis and a seemingly insignificant artifact holds great power. The actual story is weak and the setup rushed and confusing but, hey, the film is so much fun to watch who cares? Cate Blanchett, Shia LeBoeuf and John Hurt round out the cast and, if you already know the worst kept plot twist in Hollywood history, let us just say that the one second reaction of Mr. Ford to that moment is worth the full ticket price. We've got tons of wallpapers free for downloading

Made of Honor was a lamb led to slaughter (opening against Iron Man) -- meaning this is where the girls with extraordinary power over their men (or those with no men at all) went for two extra hours of McDreamy on the big screen. I think I got that "McDreamy" thing right but heck if I know. I do know that the pitch for this film -- head over heels in love guy loses to a rival and winds up as his gal's "maid of honor" as a sort of consolation --  is the dumbest thing I'd heard in years. 'twas no surprise that the film tanked.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day stars Francis McDormand and Amy Adams, the former a down on her luck governess who sneaks into high society as a social secretary for a perky American actress (Adams) -- the setting is London, 1939 and war is about to come crashing down, y'know. The film looks like the great musicals of the 1930s, lacking only the nonstop song and dance numbers [meaning? our gay friends, may they rest in piece, would have totally adored the film.

Nim's Island stars Jodie Foster as an agoraphobic author of kidlet adventure stories who must leave the safety of her townhouse when a fan (Abigail Breslin) begs for help. Said fan lives on a tropical island with a scientist father who vanishes at sea in the midst of a storm and .... ah heck folks, the film almost screams "adapted from a novel written for 11 year old girls". We've seen these before; adults sit in the back row while their kids get to go solo with the friends up front.

The Other Bolewyn Girl stars Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson as sisters whose parents aim them at King Henry VIII (Eric Bana) as prospective bedmates. As enraptured with the story as we are, this version falls flat. A very dull sit.

Penelope stars Christina Ricci as a cursed young British Lady (whose features are that of a pig) with Catherine O'Hara and Richard E. Grant as the parents searching for her genuine, authentic blue-blood love -- for only he can break the curse. James McAvoy appears as said blue-blood dude with Peter Dinklage as a paparazzi who hounds them all. Reese Witherspoon stars as Pen's smart-mouthed American best friend. Once you get past an incredibly awkward setup, the film becomes a fairly enjoyable sit. Like most fairy tales, the story is all the fantasy of some depraved writer but this is a good dateflick, skewing to the femme half of those dating couples.

Rambo stars Sylvester Stallone as a pacifist (!) shuttling missionaries up the river (heh) somewhere between Thailand and Burma. Burma's been in a 60 year civil war and it isn't a safe place. Guess who needs saving? It's not a good movie -- the story is weak, the script is weaker but body parts fly all over the place. Isn't that what you really want? You know it!

Run Fat Boy Run stars Simon Pegg as a man who ran from his bride at the altar and now wants her back. But he needs to get back to that sexy shape that won her heart and, gee if there is something funny in this no one at our screening got it either. Thandie Newton co-stars.