The Heartbreak Kid

Starring Ben Stiller , Michelle Monaghan, Malin Akerman, Jerry Stiller, Rob Corddry, Carlos Mencia, Scott Wilson and Danny McBride
Screenplay by Scot Armstrong and Leslie Dixon and Bobby Farrelly & Peter Farrelly & Kevin Barnett.
Based on the screenplay by Neil Simon.
Based on a short story by Bruce Jay Friedman
Directed by Peter Farrelly & Bobby Farrelly
website: www.heartbreakkidmovie.com

IN SHORT: Neil Simon rolls over in his grave . . . oh, waitasec . . . Neil Simon laughs all the way to the bank! [Rated R for strong sexual content, crude humor, language and a scene of drug use involving a minor. 116 minutes]

We don't really know if Neil Simon gets a dime from this reworking of his early 1970s film script. We're just trying not to give away any of the Farrelly Brothers jokes. So, here we go . . .

In the Beginning there was a Man and his name was Eddie Cantrow (Ben Stiller) and while he whiled away the years nailing the lovely Jodie, he blew his chance for happiness Big Time and was properly whipped as a guest at her extravagant wedding.

And Eddie's father, "Doc" (Jerry Stiller) said unto him, "You putz! I'm 77 years old. Let us shlep to Vegas and find Ye a slut!" But Eddie said "Nay," and saved the lovely Miranda (Michelle Monaghan) from a vile mugger and dispatched her homeward. Alone.

For those that don't understand Yiddish "putz" in this contextual usage means "You idiot! That's a freakin' hot blonde hot enough to melt something really cold into vapor and provide incredible sex all the Days of your Life." And while the freakin' hot blonde didst cable car away - the setting is San Francisco, breeder capital of the Western World (not) - she left with knowledge of where the Man didst work. And she hunted the lucky, lucky dude down.

And they did raise the Hook to the "up" position and it was almost good, for She was an old fashioned girl and They didst make out a lot and get married because that's the Key to the Lock (Nudge Nudge, sayeth our English friends). And they set off for a Honeymoon in Cabo (at a resort previously seen in another A-list name brand movie though we're damned if we can remember which one). Eddie did not fart to excess. Miranda sang along with every song ever played on a car radio (oh be still, ex-Radio producer Cranky's heart...) and it was Annoying to the Majn.

And Thus came the Nudge Nudge Wink Wink and nasty hot stuff not fit for explanation on a family friendly site (though it is an R rated movie filled with things biologically perky and a female lead with a mouth like a Trucker) didst fill the big screen and boy it was good. . .

For those that didn't read the credits above, this is A Farrelly Brothers movie. If there's a joke to be made about a body part, a character's race or religion or body hair, they will make it. And it will be Funny.

And it will be Sad that Eddie discovers that the true love of his life is not the woman he has married. It is the lovely Lila (Malin Akerman), in Cabo on a family retreat, who catches his eye and steals his heart . . . and Eddie, of course, shall become A Cad. And it will be Funny.

All right we've avoided giving away the jokes. Needless to say, The Heartbreak Kid is as rude as it is funny, which is pretty (funny) though not glue you to your seat funny. Then again, Cranky is old enough to remember Anmal House in its first run, so we're getting close to too old for this stuff. Props to the est of the suporting cast, including Eddie's very married and equally under wife's thumb best bud Mac (Rob Corddry) and a Mexican "local" named Uncle Tito (Carlos Mencia), who is Mac's recommended connection to anything and everything.

Being A Farrelly Brothers movie, there is very little that needs to be done to make the male of the species happy. We are all scum of the earth, after all. But yours Cranky walked out of the screening with a quartet of twentysomething femmes -- we may be scum but we haven't been lucky like that in years -- and they all were verily pleased.

With the movie. Not with Cranky. What part of "not verily pleased in years" did you not understand. two . . . three . . . four . . .

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to The Heartbreak Kid , he would have paid . . .

$6.50

Heck, it a Farrelly Brithers movie. Almost as funny as There's Something About Mary.

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