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national treasure

National Treasure: Book of Secrets returns Nicolas Cage to his role as discoverer of secrets! This time it's personal as a long lost document incriminate a great-great-grandfather in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Jon Voight returns as dad. Helen Mirren joins the cast as mom and Ed Harris is the bad guy who messes up lives real good - for righteous personal reasons of his own ($5.50)

alvin chipmunks

Alvin and the Chipmunks stars Jason Lee as failing songwriter Dave Seville, whose Christmas tree is infested with . . . uh, just take the kids or take yourself. As dumb as it looked to other critics who told us they purposely avoided the screenings, this revamp is a giggle start to finish. It is almost more fun than is humanly possible. Seriously. We loved it.

atonement

Atonement stars Saoire Ronan as a thirteen years old girl who sees an older sister messing with the son of a servant and squeals. This is pre-war England. Kiera Knightly and James McAvoy are the couple. Class differences being what they were, he goes to jail for rape. The young 'un grows to be a novelist whose book "Atonement" tells the tale, with WWII tossed in to wake up us males who have been stupefied by the half hour or so it takes to set the overriding story up. This will be acclaimed as a great love story, we think, because it bored us silly. Suck it up, gentlemen. This will be a major must-see for the femme side of the dateflick equation.

i'm not there

I'm Not There stars Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale all as one incarnation or another of musician Bob Dylan, based on the images he portrayed in his songs. This film's pitch may have been ear candy to the money men: a phenomenal concept that, in execution, is truly a stinker. The Dylan-ish character is called "Jack Rollins" (in real life Rollins is an cigar chomping entertainment manager we had acquaintance with) and Blanchett's oversized portion -- the post electric 60's Bob -- should get her an Oscar nomination. or Clapton ain't god <g>

no country

No Country for Old Men is notable more for the Coen Brothers production credit -- these guys rarely disappoint -- as well as Tommy Lee Jones in a lead role. He's not the poor shlub who finds $2.4 millions in Mexican drug money and must run from that mob. No, Tommy just cleans up the mess. The chase and the killings yield a great sit until you realize that the Coens have no ending for the thing. The film then falls apart fast -- not fast enough to net it numerous "best of" nods from other critics. We wuz just let down after a great ride.

youth without youth

Youth Without Youth is Francis Ford Coppola's return to writing, directing and producing after a ten year layoff. The kindest thing to say about this insufferable film about an 80 year old who gets struck by lightning and split into two 40 year old, vital guys -- one invisible -- is "stay as far away as possible."

badland

Badland stars Jamie Dravan as a military vet who comes home unable to take his place in regular society. His family is as supportive as they can be, until nasty stuff starts happening and family members make like fugitives. The first five minutes is non-stop "f" words. The two hours that follow will bore you stupid. Film Students only. Cranky's movie review

man in the chair

The Man in the Chair offers a bravura performance by star Christopher Plummer whose retired film biz character crankily agrees to  help a high school would be film maker shoot his dream project. The crew? Ex-pros who worked on Citizen Kane! That latter bit will fray your nerves but Plummer's performance is worth it. Find it in your local art house. Cranky's movie review

golden compass

The Golden Compass stars Nicole Kidman, in a lot of really beautiful, really form fitting floor length gowns (oh, she's also the bad "guy"); Sam Elliot as a flying cowboy and Daniel Craig as a really smart guy kidnapped to set up a sequel. Dakota Blue Richards is the kidlet star, who heads north with a talking bear to rescue her stolen best friend and her daddy. Designed with sequels in mind, those who have read the book(s - it's a written trilogy) will squeal for parts of the adaptation. Our audience did. All others may find the film ponderous. We sure did.

grace is gone

Grace is Gone stars John Cusack as an ex-Army house husband whose wife is still fighting the good fight in Iraq. That leaves hubby in charge of twelve and eight-years old daughters. One more sentence from us would spoil the thin as tissue paper story. This is strictly for the arthouse and not of much interest there, either -- no complaints about our politics either folks. If this film doesn't bore you silly, then you're reading the wrong site.

margot wedding

Margot at the Wedding stars Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Jack Black. It screened once for Academy and Guild members but not for press folks. We're in a Guild. We shifted painfully in our seat and ran like the dickens for the elevator as end credits rolled. This is a major stinker folks. You are warned.

diving bell butterfly

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is based on the true story of a stroke victim who dictated a best selling novel by blinking his eyelids to spell out the words for his opus. Considering that we lived something similar (broken neck and paralysis, Three times) we should  have been greatly sympathetic and interested, but we weren't.

mist

Anyone remember a stinker called The Fog from  two or three decades back? You know -- big fog rolls in, people die yadda yadda. Well Stephen King's The Mist is just a synonym and a bit of branding away from the same kind of thing with one minor exception. Short of this being the very, very, very first King scare story you may have ever ever seen, the film can be properly summarized in one word: "zzz."

steal a pencil

While we don't usually review foreign language films -- y'all never read them -- we did plant for a (at least on paper) seemingly unbelievable love story of a man and  his wife and his girlfriend, all of whom were imprisoned in the same Nazi concentration camps in World War II. Perhaps we couldn't conceive the gall of someone making such a story up . . . except that the story of Steal a Pencil is absolutely true -- Find this film. It's one of the best love stories to hit the big screen in a very, very long time.

The Bucket List stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as dying old men who are determined to go out with a blast -- making a list of things to do before kicking the bucket and finding all sorts of new meaning to life in doing so. A total and complete waste of A-list talent.

charlie wilson's war

Charlie Wilson's War stars Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in a Mike Nichols film. Finally, one for us liberals! <g> and it's a good sit -- based on the true story of how a party hearty US Rep from Texas who got the US to arm Afghan rebels who then forced the Soviets out of their country, way back before the Taliban turned 'em all against us. Philip Seymour Hoffman is awards-worthy as the CIA connection. As good as it is, given the A-list power listed here we expected an even better film. Still, it's worth the money. (if we could write a full review: $6.50/10)

i am legend

I Am Legend stars Will Smith as the Last Man on Earth. Except for the monsters who want to eat him for dinner . . and it's all his own fault, really, as the film will explain. The hardest thing for any actor to do is to carry a film solo. Smith gets the help of a dog and a surprise towards the end. I Am Legend isn't a bad sit. Not the best of the year but well worth taking a date.

     
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The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of, and his website is  Copyright © 1995-2008 by, Chuck Schwartz. Articles and interviews by Paul Fischer are Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All Rights Reserved. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of and ©, ®, T their respective studios. Used by permission. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy AwardT(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.