Marie Antoinette

Starring Kirsten Dunst, Jason Schwarzman
Written and Directed by Sofia Coppola
website: http://www.sonypictures.com

IN SHORT: Terrible. [Rated PG-13 for sexual content, partial nudity and innuendo. 123 minutes]

The word we're thinking of to describe Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette is painful. Guests at the Director's Guild screening we attended were laughing at the screen inside of five minutes after the opening credits. Then, properly shushed by an auditorium filled with card carrying directors, they waited until a specially scheduled QA period with the director was about to begin and ran for the exits.

Cranky holds said Guild card. Cranky stayed until the closing credits began to roll and hobbled out as fast as his cane could move him. Truth. We didn't think the combination of Coppola, who's proven skill as a director should make her daddy proud, and Dunst, who is as lovely as she is talented, could miss. Well, actually, we know any combination could miss, but we sure didn't see this one going down in flames. Which, it does. Big time.

Austrian born and married into the French royal family in one of those distant inbreeding things royals seem to adore, the teenaged Marie Antoinette (Dunst) we first meet is more than willing to do her royal duty. What she isn't prepared for is the, apparent, rule that female royals must abandon their birth families as part of the marriage contract. Don't expect us to explain it. IF you're dumb enough to ignore our warnings, you find this historical bit to be about the only interesting thing in the first two thirds of the movie. Historically -- we're talking history of this particular site -- that wee bit of historical surprise added to another wee bit or three of Ms. Dunst starkers would be enough to even the lowest of our "wait to rent" ratings. But it's not. Jason Schwarzman plays the useless fop of a husband, (the eventual) King Louis XVI -- who'd rather play elsewhere while waiting for his daddy (Rip Torn) to die.

Spiced with period music by Bananarama, Adam Ant and Bow Wow Wow -- the script is so vapid that Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy" merits the full music video salute smack in the middle of the thing --

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Marie Antoinette , he would have paid . . .

$0.00

avoid like a plague

	Click to buy films by Sofia Coppola
	Click to buy films starring Kirsten Dunst
	Click to buy films starring Jason Schwarzman

The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of, and his website is Copyright © 1995-2008 by, Chuck Schwartz. Articles by Paul Fischer Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of,©, ®, T their respective studios and are used by permission. All Rights Reserved. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy AwardT(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

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The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of, and his website is Copyright © 1995 - 2012 by Chuck Schwartz. Articles by Paul Fischer are Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of,©, ®, ™ their respective studios and are used by permission. All Rights Reserved. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy Award™(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.