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apocalypto
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Apocalypto

Starring
Screenplay by
Based on[] by
Directed by Mel Gibson
website: www..com

IN SHORT: heck if we know what's going on . [Rated . minutes]

Religions rise -- originally because God says so and later at the point of a stick. Religions fall -- usually at the point of a stick, the old "do as I say or you don't get to do anything at all, anytime anyplace forever." That's usually called proselytizing. Unless, of course, you're being threatened. Cranky's personal opinion, of course, is that no one knows nothing about anything until (you're) dead. As the holiday season approaches, we hope that final deadline is many many many very health filled and prosperous years off.

Now let's have a look at how Spanish Catholics destroyed the Mayan civilization, with relish. Or let's not and say we did . . . for Mel Gibson's Apocalypto has nothing to do with the Spaniards destruction of Mayan culture and everything to do with, well, we're not exactly sure. With eyeballs glued to non-stop subtitles, it is far too easy to completely miss the beautiful cinematography work and other directorial touches in this otherwise tepid film.

We're not sharp enough to do both. Other than a man has to avoid human sacrifice to save his wife and child, heck if we know what's going on. Actually that's a pretty good summary of what goes on in Mel Gibson's Apocalypto. If I wanted to read in the dark, I'd do so.

For those willing to bet the farm that Apocalypto is all about the coming of the Spanish and the destruction of indigenous Mexican (Mayan) culture, you've just lost the farm. For those who refuse to sit through subtitled movies, well, Gibson has now done it twice in a row. Of course, you have to look real hard to find the Jews on which to blame the destruction of the Mayan empire, but they're probably there somewhere.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Apocalypto, he would have paid . . .

$3.00

Rent it. We were very tempted to go with the lowest rental ratings number ($2 equating to a mid week grab) but are being generous because of the pretty pictures and stunning production design

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