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Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow Starring Jude Law, Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow Screenplay by Kerry Conran Directed by Kerry Conran website: www.skycaptain.com

IN SHORT: Male and Female at our screening were unanimous . . .It's Ter- Ri- Ble! (Rated PG for sequences of stylized sci-fi violence and brief mild language. 109 minutes)

In the New York City of 1939, lighter-than-airships still dock at the Empire State Building aeroport. The Graf Zeppelin Hindenburg is in its third iteration. War is not imminent, but that could change... Polly Perkins uh... imminently. When flying Iron Giants wreak havoc in New York, who will document the disaster and report from a perspective only a participant could? Why it's reckless reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow) who goes where only morons would go to get a story but she always delivers the scoop to her always worried editor Morris Paley (Michael Gambon). Polly's landed the biggest scoop of all -- the key to the mystery of why prominent scientists are being killed. She will find two slim cylinders – small enough to fit in your pocket – that will determine the fate of the world.

That being said, who is it that drops from the skies to save Polly's pretty blonde behind whenever it's in trouble in the whiz bang World of Tomorrow? Why it's that Master of the Skies ... you imagine the big echoed voice effect that would go here ... Sky Captain! (Jude Law) whose continuing investigations takes him to all sorts of exotic locales, where Polly always manages to find enough trouble to require rescue.

That is about all we can tell you of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, oh wait, Cap uses incredible mechanical devices concocted from scratch by Dex Dearborn (Giovanni Ribisi) and has friends all over the world to help him, including one named Kaji (Omid Djalili). Polly's exasperated boss is played by Michael Gambon. From time to time an evil Mysterious Woman (who looks like Angelina Jolie but is Bai Ling) appears to gum up the works.

While its visual effects are stunning, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is built on plot elements so thin and poorly developed that we could wreck the story for y'all in two or three sentences, which is why we've only described characters. Our press notes say that two years were spent on the story and script. That's doubtful. There's a big difference between homage to the pulp novel storytelling genre and enslavement to the genre. Writer/Director Kerry Conran's homage falls into the latter category.

For those that don't know pulps, Jim Steranko's History of Comics vol. 1 could introduce you to pulp novels and characters like Bill Barnes, Air Adventurer who pushed who aero-tech to its limits in his stories while Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers took their rocket ships to other planets in their various adventures. The Thirties were a great time for that stuff, with writers like Lester Dent (as Kenneth Robeson) and Walter Gibson (as Maxwell Grant) painting prose purple in Doc Savage and The Shadow. We were acquainted with Gibson three plus decades ago and, out of that crossing of paths, devoured pulp novels through our teens. That's the best time to submerge yourself in all that wordage (writers were paid by the word – Gibson could knock out 10,000 a day) 'cuz it's a terrible way to write. In this new century, creating a film homage to the sci-fi themed pulps and movie serials can get you Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It's heavy on absolutely stunning visuals and paper thin on interesting story. That's the killing stroke. All the pulps had hundreds of stories and thousands of words over a decade of popularity to build the image of character. It's not any different than what has happened with comic books like Superman and Spider-Man.

And speaking of comic books . . .

For an even briefer time in this tale a woman who is Angelina Jolie appears as British super spy who operates out of a floating aerodrome that is a visual nod to Steranko's work on the Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD comic of the late 1960s. We can't say more than that without spoiling stuff. Actually, we probably just did. Sorry.

We loved pulps. We loved Steranko. We were fully primed to go bananas over Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, which makes the disappointment all the more great. We rode home on a bus packed with lucky citizens who got the freebie sneak preview ticket. Everyone had the same opinion. Lousy characters and plot. Great pictures. That's a popcorn flick, folks. Nothing more.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, he would have paid . . .

$5.00

If nothing more, the visuals should be seen on a big screen. Take a date, waste a the first part of a night.

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