Blade Trinity

Starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Parker Posey, Dominic Purcell, John Michael Higgins, Triple H, Natasha Lyonne
Blade characters created by Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan
Written and Directed by David S. Goyer
website: www.bladetrinity.com

IN SHORT: almost all blood all the time. [Rated R for strong pervasive violence and language, and some sexual content. 105 minutes]

We've heard it ad nauseam from our readers: "Cranky you say you love comic books so how could you not like Blade??" Our response? This ain't your Cranky's Blade, which was created by the comic artistes listed above in a story which based itself on the Bram Stoker characters. Blade was a new character which, when adapted to film form by writer David S. Goyer and interpreted for performance by actor Wesley Snipes, jettisoned all connections to the literary source. The film form worked well enough to generate two sequels so we plant and do our best to follow our rules and ignore the Source Material.

Blade Trinity is an incredibly stupid movie, even by the idiocy of its predecessors. There's no way to evaluate it as a serious film (but we knew that long ago) or as a viable movie. It's hard core junk, fit only for fans who want to see the pyrotechnics and high tech hardware used to kill vampires

in the film. We admit, that's about the only thing we look for, too. You, dear reader, already know if you have any interest in seeing where this series goes. If you don't have the vaguest idea about the background, the film has got to be knock-your-socks-off good to get a newbie to shell out the ten bucks. Blade Trinity isn't that good. It is good enough that, if you bought into its predecessors whole hog, you'll laughing in all the right places and enjoy the special effects snuffing of numerous vampiric bad guys and gals.

Yes, we laughed. Yes, we enjoyed the special death effects. That aside, Blade Trinity is strict popcorn junk all the way.

Blade Trinity starts promisingly enough, with the resurrection of the First of all Vampires, a 4000 year old monster who will take the name "Drake" (Dominic Purcell) after a comic book character in Marvel comic's Tomb of Dracula, from whence the Blade character comes. The vampire responsible for finding Drake is Danica Talos (Parker Posey), leader of a band of nasty bloodsuckers who frame Blade for murder and have infiltrated the very halls of law enforcement to make sure they get their way. . . and that is how Dr. Edgar Vance (John Michael Higgins) joins the story as a vampire consultant for the FBI.

We apologize for being oblique. The set up is quite clever and we're trying not to give too much away.

For those who have forgotten, vampire hunter Blade (Wesley Snipes) is himself a vampire, though one with the ability to walk unprotected in raw daylight. He uses high tech weaponry created by Abraham Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), a human who manages to get killed in every movie and still be alive for the sequel. With no Blade 4 in the offing, Whistler is replaced by a trio of "Nightstalkers": led by his daughter Abigail (Jessica Biel). Abby carries a bow and has the same hand for creating high tech weapons that her father does/did. Abby's right hand man is the now-cured vampire Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds), who is quick with a joke and more than likely to get in the way of a moving fist. Finally, all the intellectual work is done by a blind, repeat blind as in incapable of seeing anything, research scientist Sommerfield (Natasha Lyonne). Sommerfield created the vaccine that cured King and could conceivably wipe out the vampire population if the originator of the species can be found and inoculated.

How Sommerfield managed all she does while being blind as a bat, pun intended, is inconceivable both to us and to writer David Goyer. Goyer has no concept of how Sommerfield manages her scientific miracle even as she spends the third act stumbling around in the dark while being chased by the Evil One. Forgive us for getting ahead of it all but stupid is as stupid does, and the script for Blade Trinity is flat out stupid. Watch the last three scenes of the film carefully, folks. Goyer tries to set up a big surprise which, if you've disassociated from the story as we did, falls flat on its face. We're not so invested in declaring continuity errors that we feel the need to to back and check on what group of bystanders cleaned up the corpses after the final throw down between Blade and "Drake." If they are FBI agents, it's a major error. If they are vampires, something about the finale makes no sense.

Then again, by the time the final scene rolls into the sunset nothing about Blade Trinity makes sense to us, save the possibility of a Nightstalkers spin off if this film makes a huge amount of money.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Blade Trinity, he would have paid . . .

$3.00

rent it. Two sequels sown the line you already know if you're in the market for another. Blade Trinity is good enough that if you want to see it you're already on your way. It's not good enough as a place to start or as a stand alone movie to recommend it to any one else.

	Click to buy films by David S. Goyer
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