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Freddy vs. JasonStarring Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Kelly Rowland
and Jason Ritter |
IN SHORT: The body count is 15 - 2, and that's before the Main Event. [Rated R for pervasive horror violence/gore, gruesome images, sexuality, drug use and language. 100 minutes]
Rule One of this site is that we don't compare to Source Material. You shouldn't have to know what came in a previous story before you shell out your cash and plant for a movie. That includes knowing that Freddy and Jason have met before, albeit briefly, at the end of Jason Goes To Hell (Friday the 13th part IX if we've counted correctly). So, don't worry about that.
Truthfully, we're not a big fan of slice 'n' dice horror even though we worked on a couple in our film student days. We haven't paid out for a ticket since Friday the Thirteenth, eleven movies ago or Nightmare on Elm Street, eight movies ago. But, come on, just about every (non Mormon or Quaker) male on the planet knows what Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees "live" for . . . so to speak. That would be brutal violence and killings so disgusting the audience sucks in their breath and goes "ooo". So on we go. There's only one of those "ooo" moments, and it comes at the very beginning of Freddy vs. Jason. After that, blood flows like water. Aficionados of the genre walked out of our preview screening of Freddy vs. Jason firmly stating, "wait for Round Two." (click here for wallpaper. A buck a pop covers our costs.)
Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund click for StarTalk) used to haunt the dreams of the residents of the suburban town of Springwood. In the dreams of that town's young folk, Freddy tormented and killed. Dispatched to Hell, Krueger is now "he whose name will not be spoken" a sly reference to Voldemort of the Harry Potter films, and a good indicator that Damian Shannon & Mark Swift, the scriptwriters of this epic, haven't forgotten that humor is just as important as gore in these things. An even bigger tip of our hat goes to the pair for deftly summarizing who and why Freddy and Jason are the nasty gits that they are. You don't need to know any of what has come before. Just bring a sturdy stomach.
The kidlets of Springwood don't know of Freddy, even though the house in which he did his deeds still stands. The powers that be in Springwood have wiped out all reference to Freddy. The kids that encountered the killer are locked away. Microfilmed newspaper accounts have been censored. All the good parents of the town dose their babies with heavy duty sleep inducers so they pass through the night deprived of the normal joy of happy dreams.
As we begin this flick, Freddy plots revenge by messing with the dreams of a fellow resident of Hell, one Jason Voorhees (Ken Kirzinger), whose machete and hockey mask have, apparently, been buried with the man. Don't ask us how Freddy stamps the ticket and raises Jason from the grave. Jason is dispatched to 1428 Elm Street, site of Freddy's crimes, to put Fear back where it belongs. Now residing in the house is the lovely Lori Campbell (Monica Keena), whose mom was killed years earlier, though she's grown up believing that a car accident was the cause. Nuh uh.
More important, the love of Lori's life, a kid named Will (Jason Ritter) has spent the last four years or so locked away in a mental institution, along with Mark (Brendan Fletcher) and other kidlets with knowledge of what has come before. Their escape from the home is central to bringing together a group of potential kidlet victims, including the lovely Kia (Kelly Rowland) and local nerd Linderman (Chris Marquette) who party in the middle of a corn field. We think that's a nod to Stephen King but our memory is feeble.
Freddy thinks he can control Jason. Jason, once he gets that warm salty taste of blood dripping through the trademark hockey mask, is not to be controlled. Even stranger is Lori's ability to bring Freddy from his perch in slumberland into the real world. And so the stage is set for a Clash of the proverbial killer Titans, back at good ol' Camp Crystal Lake, where Jason has his roots. And so it goes.
You know what that means. You know if you're inclined. You also know we're not about to tell you who wins -- but there is a winner . . . at least until part two.
On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Freddy vs. Jason, he would have paid . . .
$6.00
Freddy vs. Jason is a just OK slice 'n' dice film with one cool kill and a couple of dozen buckets of blood filling out the mix. Fan boys and girls add a buck or two.
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