The Hot Chick

Starring Rob Schneider
Screenplay by Rob Schneider and Tom Brady
Directed by Tom Brady
website: www.areyouhot.com

IN SHORT: feh. [Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, language and drug references. 105 minutes]

The Hot Chick is a Happy Madison Production, which means that the script will stop making any kind of logical sense about 85% of the way through. We never thought we'd see the day when a thespianic performance could move us in the manner that The Hot Chick did. For Rob Schneider, in a role worthy of Oscar's notice -- that's Cranky's uncle Oscar, not the statue people -- aided the evacuation of our large intestine in a manner that no enema ever could.

You know, folks, if you keep buying tickets to these things, Adam Sandler will keep putting up the money for Schneider to inflict upon himself, and thus upon humanity, routines that even Sandler would consider beneath him. This year's version of "let's hit Rob Schneider on the head a lot of times is a body switching gag fest that will keep you in stitches if you're already amenable to low brow humor . . . or if you're dumb enough to try and crack your head open in the same manner as Rob gets whacked. Think Jackass, but without the blood and stitches.

The Hot Chick proves once and for all that, just because a woman grows a penis overnight, it doesn not mean that she can be elected high school prom queen (if you know what we mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Actually that's the one joke that isn't in this movie. We've got space to fill.)

In a story that truly aims for the subtitle "epic," we begin with the sad tale of the Princess Nawa (Shazia) in Abyssinia who is to be married to a farting, belching, scum sucking pig -- one not unlike Clive Maxton (Rob Schneider), who we'll meet in about 2200 years. Thanks to a pair of magical earrings, Nawa swaps bodies with her slave hand maiden which is enough to boot us to the present day, where Jessica Spencer (Rachel McAdams) leads herhigh School Cheerleading squad, the Honeys (for Honey Bees). Jessica thinks herself to be the hottest girl in school, dating the dreamy quarterback, Billy (Matthew Lawrence). Jessica's the best advertisement for lowriders and bare navels we can think of. She's also not above stealing a pair of rare earrings that she's is sternly told is not for sale in Madam Mabuza's Treasures of the Ancient World and Scented Candles Emporium. Her bestest friend, April (Anna Faris), thinks she's a bad girl, but what the hey. But one of those earrings is lost and comes into the possession of petty scum Clive who, of course, tries it on. Boing, body switch, and pretty much the last we'll see of Clive's personality.

The whole point of this farce is to get Schneider to play effeminate. Or effeminate playing masculine. As long as the jokes are lower than anything Adam Sandler, producer and cameo making pal o' the star, would do all is OK with this particular world. We got one laugh out of the hundred or so minutes. If you've liked anything else Schneider has done, you know where you stand on films like these.

Fine looking babes, though.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to The Hot Chick, he would have paid . . .

$2.50

rent. bone up. for those that like the interactive experience, accessorize with a football helmet of your choice

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