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Lies

Starring Sang Hyun Lee, Tae Yeon Kim, Hye Jin Jeon
Based on the novel by Jung-Il Chang
Written Directed by Sun-Woo Jang
website: www.liesthemovie.com

IN SHORT: Pornography from South Korea. Pure and simple. [Not rated . 112 minutes]

Let us now regale you tales of a film imported from South Korea, a story in that is exhilarating and exciting, sexually thrilling and visually gripping as two young women find themselves in an unspoken battle for the affections of a man old enough to be their father. In the grand style of the Marquis de Sade, who also named his characters after letters of the alphabet, we have director/writer Sun-Woo Jang's adaptation of the breakthrough novel banned as pornographic in South Korea, called Lies.

Right off the bat we are introduced to the first time amateur actors who explain that, though they know that the script includes some risky choices, they have an obligation to do their job else they'd let the crew down. How considerate of them to keep the crew foremost on their minds, considering that 90% of the cast's on screen time will be spent naked in various types of coitus.

Based on a novel banned in South Korea as "pornographic," Lies is just that. From this point on, you'll have to swipe your cursor over the space below because we're so pissed off at press critics who don't remember that "art film" was once a pseudonym for porn, that we're not going to censor our language or description of screen action.

The following is definitely intended to be read by those under 18. If that's you, don't wipe, sorry, swipe your cursors.

It seems that these almost legal young ladies, all prim and proper in their Korean school uniforms have been getting their giggles reading the pornographic scribblings of an "older man" that has been communicating with Woori (Hye Jin Jeon) via the mail. Woori, intending to let "J" (Sang Hyun Lee) pop her cherry once final examinations are finished, is betrayed by her friend, "Y" (Tae Yeon Kim) who hops the train and gives it up to the old pervert in its Seoul. Our director, just in case you were to come in too late figure out what were watching, considerately titles the scene "hole one". This will be followed in proper order by "hole two" and "hole three" -- we expect that you're intelligent enough to figure out what that could mean. Somewhere in the sequence, Woori, quite miffed that her best friend has stolen from her the opportunity to give that ultimate gift to a man before she could, beats the crap out of Y. At this point the director rushes on-screen, breaking the fourth wall, to show us in the audience that the actress wasn't really be beat up. She's not bruised just kinda crying a little. Everything is all right, it's OK, so let's get back to the fucking

Which J and Y do with ever increasing frequency and vigor. J, being the older, teaching sort of fellow, introduces slim sticks of wood into the sexual process, the better with which to beat you my dear. And J, gently and with much love, beats the crap out of Y, which she endures lovingly and then rolls over to gently and with much love fuck J's brains out. Sooner or later, as in all great porn ethics, the rolls are reversed and Y begins to beat up on J, which he discovers he really likes, too!

And so they beat each other up and they fuck each other crazy and then they beat each other up some more before Y goes home to school and the jealous brother who's concerned about the family honor; and J goes to Paris to spend three months with his wife "G" (Hyun Joo Choi), an unfortunate and spiteful woman too narrow minded to know her place as whipping post for her loving hubby. Refusing to bend over and take it to please her husband puts J in a miserable state. But this background is quickly dispensed with as J returns to Y. And then there's some more fucking.

As J and Y continue their "relationship," we understand the point of the story which, to paraphrase the "classic" of 30 years ago is: "love means never having to say you're sorry you sucked your own shit out of my mouth after I licked it off your hard dick, which spent five minutes up my ass."

All that Lies needs is a come shot and you could buy it for a quarter cents a peak in any porn video arcade.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Lies, he would have paid...

$0.00

Face it friends, if you want to call pornography "classic," as was done with Deep Throat and Devil in Miss Jones a couple of decades ago, don't even try lying to the audience about what it is. There is nothing in Lies that Linda Lovelace or Marilyn Chambers or, later and much prettier, Ginger Lynn (et al) didn't do better.

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