cranky home
Reviews since 1993:   A-E     F-N      O-Z    Posters       Who We Are and Why We Do What We Do         Search the Site

Your Donations support the Site

Top Selling DVD     Books

50 Shades of Grey
Exodus Gods and Kings
Grand Budapest Hotel
Imitation Game, The
Into the Woods

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
Theory of Everything
Ride Along
We're the Millers
The Great Gatsby
The Avengers
Amazing Spider-Man
Girl w/ Dragon Tattoo
Dark Knight Trilogy
World War Z
Happy Feet 2
Iton Man 3 combo
Batman Begins
Dark Knight
Fifth Element
The Hangover
Hunger Games
James Bond 11 disc coll.
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Mission Impossible GP
Sherlock Holmes AGOS
Singing in the Rain
Snow White Huntsman
Star Trek Into Darkness combo
Star Wars Saga
21 Jump Street
Ultimate Matrix coll
X-Men First Class
X-Men Trilogy
X-Men Wolverine

 BLU-Ray for Family DVDs 
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
A Bug's Life
Chronicles of Narnia set
Harry Potter 1-8 collection
Iron Man 2 combo
Kung Fu Panda
Lord of the Rings Trilogy Pinocchio
Pirates of Caribbean trilogy
Pixar short films
Shrek the Whole Story
Sleeping Beauty
The Smurfs
Snow White & 7 Dwarfs
Star Trek motion pictures set
Star Trek TNG Season One
Star Wars Saga (1-6)
Toy Story combo
Toy Story 2 combo
Toy Story 3 combo
Wall-E SE


Search engine by FreeFind
Click to add search to YOUR web site!
click to search site

Alice in Wonderland
Beauty and the Beast
Kung Fu Panda
The Lion King
Mary Poppins 45th LE
Princess Mononoke
Shrek the Whole Story
Simpsons Movie
Spider-Man Trilogy
Spirited Away
Star Trek movies set
Star Trek TOS (TV)
ST:TNG complete tv set
Star Wars Trilogy (1-3)
Star Wars Trilogy (4-6)
Toy Story DVD combo
Toy Story 2 DVD combo
Toy Story 3 DVD combo
Wallace and Gromit
Wall-E SE

Buy Movie collectibles
TV/Movie Collectibles

movie review query engine

NY film critics online

Privacy Policy

Heavy Metal 2000
Directed by Michel Lemire and Michael Coldeway

Review by Eric Lurio.

Much of the success of a film is dependent on hype. Many a bad film has gotten a decent opening on the basis of hype alone. Lots of ads and licensed products flooding the market. This film is an example of what happens when there's lots of smoke and no fire.

Heavy Metal 2000 was supposed to come out years ago. The publicity campaign began years before it actually was screened for the public. The magazine's hype engine began back in 1997, the licensed products hit the market a year ago last spring, the movie special edition of the magazine last spring. The hype machine was chugging away like there was no tomorrow. The only problem was: No film.

Kevin Eastman, of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and publisher of Heavy Metal magazine has finally come up with it. I'm of two minds of this. Good adult animation is something which is sorely needed for the sake of the art of the cinema. You can do so much more cheaply for a hard core science fiction flick if it's a cartoon. Unfortunately, even a wonderfully animated one like this needs a decent story and interesting characters. Unfortunately, this doesn't have either.

The film begins with an explanation of how the evil Arakacians ruled the galaxy ages ago, and how they had the secret of immortality, until they were defeated and the source was locked away and the key, which drove you mad if you possessed it, was sent into space. Of course someone has to find it, and it's Lt.Tyler (Michael Ironside), the mining engineer, who does. He then kills his partner and orders the crew of the ship to go to the nearest planet, which just happens to be the beauteous world of Eden, which has been disguising itself under the chart designation Fakk2, or unfit for life. On Eden, we see Kerrie (Sonja Ball), a damsel soon to be in distress, taking a shower with her tits hanging out [they tend to do that during showers], while her sister Julie (Julie Strain) lands her spaceship in the back yard. Tyler and his crew of possibly unwilling astronauts, then swoop down for no real reason and start killing everyone and blowing stuff up. No one survived except Kerrie, who's been captured and Julie, who vows revenge. She and St. Germain (Pierre Kohl), a crew member who was kicked off the ship for being too kind hearted, head off in hot pursuit. Meanwhile.....

On the planet where the locked elixir of life is, Counselor Odin (Billy Idol), discovers a stone fellow named Zeek (Rick Jones), whose job is to warn the people that the key's been found. We then get lots of scenes of Tyler blowing stuff up, a sex robot and Julie beating up on St. Germain, while poor Kerrie is stuck in a cage wearing almost nothing and ogled by robots. The whole thing is dumb as hell. Then Julie loses her clothes and dresses in a red battle suit which...this is so dumb it almost hurts. The only redeeming feature of this piece of garbage is that we get to see lots of t'n'a and stuff getting blown up. If you get Starz/Encore, by all means tape it, but it really isn't worth staying up for a midnight show at a theater.

Cranky's note: Heavy Metal 2 was not released in theaters as the distribution contract required no worse than a [PG-13] rating. This movie delivered and [R] and so to cable and video it went.

The Cranky Critic website is Copyright © 1995  -  2017  by Chuck Schwartz. Articles by Paul Fischer are Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of,©, ®, their respective studios and are used by permission. All Rights Reserved. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy Award(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.