why Cranky is in pain
Reviews since 1993:   A-E     F-N      O-Z    Posters       Who We Are and Why We Do What We Do     Contact    Search the Site

Your Donations support the Site

amazon.gif
Top Selling DVD     Books

BLU-RAY DVDs:
50 Shades of Grey
Exodus Gods and Kings
Grand Budapest Hotel
Imitation Game, The
Into the Woods

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
Robocop
Selma
Theory of Everything
Ride Along
We're the Millers
The Great Gatsby
Akira
Avatar
The Avengers
Amazing Spider-Man
Girl w/ Dragon Tattoo
Dark Knight Trilogy
World War Z
Happy Feet 2
Iton Man 3 combo
Batman Begins
Dark Knight
Fifth Element
The Hangover
Hunger Games
James Bond 11 disc coll.
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Mission Impossible GP
Sherlock Holmes AGOS
Singing in the Rain
Snow White Huntsman
Star Trek Into Darkness combo
Star Wars Saga
21 Jump Street
Ultimate Matrix coll
X-Men First Class
X-Men Trilogy
X-Men Wolverine

 BLU-Ray for Family DVDs 
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Bambi
A Bug's Life
Cars
Chronicles of Narnia set
Coraline
Ghostbusters
Harry Potter 1-8 collection
Iron Man 2 combo
Kung Fu Panda
Lord of the Rings Trilogy Pinocchio
Pirates of Caribbean trilogy
Pixar short films
Ratatouille
Rio
Shrek the Whole Story
Sleeping Beauty
The Smurfs
combo
Snow White & 7 Dwarfs
Star Trek motion pictures set
Star Trek TNG Season One
Star Wars Saga (1-6)
Toy Story combo
Toy Story 2 combo
Toy Story 3 combo
Wall-E SE

OFCS

Search engine by FreeFind
Click to add search to YOUR web site!
click to search site

 DISNEY PIXAR DVDs
Alice in Wonderland
Bambi
Beauty and the Beast
Bolt
Cinderella
Coraline
E.T.
Kung Fu Panda
The Lion King
Mary Poppins 45th LE
Pinocchio
Princess Mononoke
Ratatouille
Rio 
Shrek the Whole Story
Simpsons Movie
Spider-Man Trilogy
Spirited Away
Star Trek movies set
Star Trek TOS (TV)
ST:TNG complete tv set
Star Wars Trilogy (1-3)
Star Wars Trilogy (4-6)
Toy Story DVD combo
Toy Story 2 DVD combo
Toy Story 3 DVD combo
Wallace and Gromit
Wall-E SE

Buy Movie collectibles
TV/Movie Collectibles

movie review query engine

NY film critics online

Privacy Policy

two much Two Much
Starring Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffith,
Joan Cusack, Danny Aiello, and Eli Wallach
Directed by Fernando Trueba

From Cranky's Book of Bad Movies. Chapter Two. Verse Much.

And the Money Men shall go to the Men in Suits and say, "Yea, we shall make a wacky kind of comedy full of Romance and Mistaken Identities, as they did in the Nineteen and Thirties."

And the Men in Suits shall say, "So Be It."

And Antonio Banderas shall play Arturo (Art) Dodge, dirtball who swindles widows out of their inheritances. He shall not want to do this, but his art gallery cannot make any money and he owes big. And lying shall come easy to him.

And Melanie Griffith shall play Betty, who lives on a planet which is not this Earth. And she shall fall for said Art, and they shall have sex and become engaged before the first Date.

And Betty shall have Darryl Hannah as Liz, her Protective and Intelligent sister. And Art shall fall for Liz and pretend to be his twin brother, Bart, and therewith court her. And she shall swoon.

For she, too, has cowflop for brains.

And there shall be a Car. And it shall be a classic, cobalt blue Mustang and it shall be smarter than all three main characters. It shall drive itself from location to location, making Cranky notice what would normally be called continuity errors. And it shall have a mutant healing ability power, like Wolverine of the X-Men, for it shall be smashed and rendered to scratchy little pieces while senile old men drive it. And then it shall be healed. And then it shall be smashed, again.

And Cranky shall look at his watch when he finally feels a laugh rise from deep within. And his watch shall say "You've been sitting here for an HOUR, Meathead."

And he shall sit in a seat that creaks very loudly in a theater with an audience that is far too quiet for a comedy.

And Cranky shall be self-conscious.

And Cranky shall change his seat.

And Cranky shall again look at his watch when he feels laughter arise. And it shall be an hour later.

And this bomb will not yet be over.

And Cranky shall not laugh at jokes about senility. And Cranky shall say "Shame on you, Eli Wallach, for taking such a part."

And Cranky shall wonder how the Devil Danny Aiello got sucked into this morass as well.

And Cranky shall wonder if that was indeed Fernando Lamas' kid in the wedding scene. And his head will Shake in Disbelief.

And Yea, though he would push the plunger on the new lo-flo toilet, and send Two Much to its final resting place, Cranky would mutter a quiet word of thanks for Vincent Schiavelli, as a wine steward who actually brought something to a thankless role. A very small role, but a grand relief.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price for Two Much, he would have paid . . .

$0.00

Two Much was so bad, Cranky would have preferred to sit through Heat, again.

Click to buy films starring Antonio Banderas
Click to buy films starring Melanie Griffith
Click to buy films starring Joan Cusack

The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of, and his website is Copyright © 1995  -  2016   by Chuck Schwartz. Articles by Paul Fischer are Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of,©, ®, their respective studios and are used by permission. All Rights Reserved. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy Award(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.