Archives: A
- E F - N O
- Z Posters Message
Boards
Who
We Are and Why We Do What We Do
BLU-RAY DVDs:
Batman Begins
Black Hawk Down
Blade Runner
Bourne Trilogy
Cars
Casino Royale
Cloverfield
Dark Knight
the Duchess
Enchanted
Fifth Element
Hellboy
Chronicles of Narnia
Harry Potter years 1-5
Ice Age
Incredible HULK
Independence Day
Iron Man
Juno
Kill Bill 1 & 2
Kung Fu Panda
Mamma Mia!
Men in Black
No Country for Old Men
Persepolis
Pirates: Dead Man's Chest
Pirates: At World's End
Rambo box set
Ratatouille
Spiderwick Chronicles
Sleeping Beauty
Star Wars Prequel Trilogy (1-3)
Star Wars Trilogy (4-6)
Terminator
Terminator 2
Top Gun
Total Recall
Transformers SE
300
Ultimate Matrix coll
Twilight
Underworld
V for Vendetta
Wall-E SE
X-Men Trilogy
Zack & Miri Make a Porno
We're Kidlet Safe
Search engine
by FreeFind
click to search site
Now in Release:
Adam Resurrected
An American Affair
Cadillac Records
Che
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Coraline
Curious Case of
Benjamin Button
Day the Earth Stood Still
Defiance
Donkey Punch
Doubt
The Express
Four Christmases
Frost/Nixon
Inkheart
The International
Milk
New in Town
Pink Panther 2
Pride and Glory
Revolutionary Road
Role Models
Sex Drive
Slumdog Millionaire
The Spirit
Taken
Two Lovers
The Uninvited
Watchmen
What Just Happened
While She Was Out
DVDs on Sale:
Alice
in Wonderland
An American in Paris
Batman
Begins
Bambi
Beauty
and the Beast
Blade
Runner
Cinderella
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
E.T.
Forrest
Gump
Gone
With the Wind
Harry
Potter yrs 1-4 set
Harry
Potter Order of Phoenix
Alfred Hitchcock set
Incredible Hulk SE
Indiana
Jones trilogy
Iron Man SE
Kung Fu Panda
The
Lion King
Lord
of Rings 12 discs
Mamma Mia! SE
Mary
Poppins 40th LE
Marx Bros set
Ultimate
Matrix set
Monty
Python - Holy Grail
Pirates of Caribbean 3
Ratatouille
Saw I - IV set
Saw III (unrated)
Saw IV (unrated)
Saw V (unrated)
Shrek Trilogy
Simpsons Movie
Sin
City
Sleeping
Beauty
South
Park Movie
Spider-Man Trilogy
Spiderwick Chronicles
Star Wars Prequel Trilogy (1-3)
Star
Wars Trilogy (4-6)
Twilight
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Wall-E SE
X-Men Trilogy
Zack & Miri make a Porno
Looney
Toons
Golden Age DVD
Volume
1
Volume
2
Volume
3
Volume 4
Volume 5
Volume 6
Rocky & Bullwinkle DVD
Season
1
Season
2
Season
3
Popeye the Sailor DVD
v.1 1933 - 1938
v.2 1938 - 1940
v.3 1941 - 1943
75th anniversary coll.ed.
Star
Trek TOS (TV)
Star
Trek TNG
Star
Trek Films
Starring Charlie Sheen, Linda Hamilton, and Donald Sutherland
Directed by George P. Cosmatos
Served up for dissection this time around is Shadow Conspiracy, a thriller so tightly written that, should you make the mistake of leaving your seat for a quick trip to the little person's room, you will return refreshed and totally confused as to what happened while you were gone.
Shadow Conspiracy takes the well worn theme of Innocent Man Caught in Circumstances Beyond His Control and repeats it to the point of ridiculousness. It presents the notion of a secret government waiting in the wings, whose tech is so high, whose reach is so deep, and whose killers are so silent and well connected that, well, if this movie were set in Los Angeles you would probably believe that O.J. Simpson was framed.
It is a perfect example of how a thin but plausible story idea can be overwritten to death.
Charlie Sheen stars as Bobby Bishop, Special Assistant to the President. Bishop is, apparently, the only man who can convince the President not to make a certain speech, the result of which could be the utter destruction of the Stock Market and our way of life as we know it. He then has to put the kibosh on a story by reporter Amanda Givens (Linda Hamilton) that would spill the beans. So far so good.
Bishop has a friend, Dr. Yuri Pochenko (Theodore Bikel), who heads a think tank which uses a super-powerful computer program to track the misdeeds of our government. Must be a damned good program, as a silent killer blows away his tank-mates and sends him running, panicked, to find Bishop -- which he does just in time to utter the words "traitor" and "shadow." Pochenko gets popped. Bishop is holding the body. Murder suspect, take one.
So far so good. Bishop calls his boss, Chief of Staff Jacob Conrad (Donald Sutherland) and is given a place to meet oodles of law enforcement officials who will convey him safely back to the White House. Bishop shows, the Man-With-No-Tongue starts blasting away (having gotten to the rendezvous first), and the filmmakers start pointing big red arrows at who in the government is the bad guy. Too darn obvious, but still okay.
Reporter Givens re-appears to help uncover the conspiracy, and before you know it, there's another murder and the pair are on the run. Wherever they go, the body count rises. The cops can't find them. The FBI can't find them. What's left? You guessed it -- Super Secret Spy Technology!
Nicholas Turturro gives the term "comic relief" new meaning, appearing as a SuperSpyTech named Grasso who really gets off on his work. Grasso has written a computer program so powerful that it can simultaneously eavesdrop on fifteen thousand people. It is so powerful it could probably tell you who you had lunch with a year ago last Tuesday, and where the waiter who served you lived. And the social security number of the waiter's theatrical agent's ex-wife.
Shadow Conspiracy just doesn't know when to leave good enough alone. I haven't even mentioned the use of spy satellites. Or the assassination plot. Or the accidental loss of incriminating evidence. Or the fact that the audience was in stitches because the whole thing was so ridiculous. Shoot the writers, folks. Good thrillers know when to say "enough." Bad thrillers don't. As far as Shadow Conspiracy goes, enough is never enough.
On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to Shadow Conspiracy, he would have paid . . .
$1.00
That's for the inadvertent yucks. Shadow Conspiracy is flat out terrible.
 |
Click to buy films starring Charlie Sheen |
| Click to buy films starring Linda Hamilton | |
| Click to buy films starring Donald Sutherland |