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IN SHORT: Cranky is totally clueless on this one, folks.
My mother always told me that if I couldn't say anything nice, I shouldn't say anything at all . . .
. . . but I never listened to my mother all that much so here goes. Excess Baggage is the story of Emily T. Hope (Alicia Silverstone), a rich girl whose widowed father pays no attention to her. To get attention, she stages her own kidnapping and gets the attention she craves. Dad pays the ransom. Emily ties herself up and locks herself in the trunk of her green BMW. Before the police can rescue her, a high tech car thief (Benicio Del Toro) rips the car off.
In quick time, our starring pair find themselves on the run from the police; from the moneymen behind the car theft ring; from Emily's mysterious "uncle" (Christopher Walken in a role just a shade to the left of Harvey Keitel's fixer in Pulp Fiction)
The boy kidlets will go to see Alicia Silverstone crack that sexy half smile. She does it three, maybe four times. The girl kidlets, so the female critic sitting next to me says, will go to see Benicio Del Toro, though I can't see why.
The ninety-eight minutes of Excess Baggage ran off about 3 and a half hours of Cranky's body clock. I'm being kind. After the first fifteen minutes, the story makes no sense; the character relationships make no sense and why I took a day out of my long awaited vacation to sit through this thing makes even less sense. It's so bad it'll make free TV in a year. If you must, wait for it.
But not anxiously.
That's all from New York. Cranky has US Open tickets. Cranky has left the building.
On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Eight Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price for Excess Baggage, he would have paid . . .
(And Alicia Silverstone cackles with glee knowing that, as Cranky heads for the subway, torrential rain is falling on Flushing Meadows and his tix are no damned good . . .)
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